UPDATE:
I have to hold my head in shame and beg forgiveness from the community, it seems I had the darn thing running the whole time!
I finally broke down and .... let my text editor open the prompted file *dun dun duuuuuun!*
It held loads of information as to why my script wasn't working, AND what I needed to change to get it to! :-D
My only question, and again I'm so new to the PHP arena I plead stupidity, why wouldn't the errors show in my browser window like the do on both my Staging and Live servers?
Dev Server : Vista Business/IIS7 via FastCgi
Staging Server : Win2k/Apache2 via XAMMP
Live Server : Linux/Apache2 standard server
Any and all help is greatly appreciated!